For couples who want to skip the cookie-cutter traditions and do things their way.
If you’re planning a wedding as a queer couple, you’ve probably already realized that a lot of the traditional advice out there just doesn’t fit. The good news? You don’t have to follow anyone else’s script. Your wedding can feel like home. Safe, affirming, joy-filled, and 100% true to you.
As a queer wedding photographer who’s documented over 100 weddings, I’ve seen firsthand what it looks like when couples create something that’s totally theirs. It’s not about ticking off boxes. It’s about creating a space that reflects your values, your people, and your version of love.
Here’s are my tips for planning a queer wedding that actually feels like you.
1. Ditch the traditions that don’t serve you
You don’t have to wear white. You don’t have to have a wedding party. You don’t need your dad to walk you down the aisle. You can skip the bouquet toss, the garter, and any other tradition that feels forced or outdated.
Instead, think about what feels good to you. Want to walk down the aisle together? Do it. Want to spend the morning getting ready in the same room? Hell yes. You make the rules here.
2. Invite only the people who support you
This one is big. You are not obligated to invite anyone who doesn’t affirm your relationship or identity. Your wedding should feel like a celebration, not a performance. It’s completely okay to set boundaries with unsupportive family or friends.
Surround yourself with the people who love you for exactly who you are. When the guest list is full of people who lift you up, the entire day feels lighter.
3. Choose vendors who get it
You shouldn’t have to explain yourself or educate your vendors on your identity. Look for people who are openly queer or queer-affirming — folks who have experience working with LGBTQ+ couples and who create a safe, inclusive space.
Pro tip: check their language on their website, their social media, and in how they communicate with you. If it feels right, trust your gut.
4. Create space for your story
Some of the most meaningful weddings I’ve photographed have been ones where the couple made space for their story to shine.
One couple planned a small ceremony at Sunset Cliffs with just their close friends, followed by a cozy dinner at a wine bar. Another had a beautiful, detail-filled celebration with a ceremony that included speeches from important people in their lives. Every moment felt like a reflection of who they are and what matters to them.
Whether it’s writing your own vows, sharing a toast, or including rituals that feel personal, your story deserves to be front and center.
5. Don’t stress about what it “should” look like
Weddings can be soft. They can be bold. They can be stylish, silly, emotional, loud, quiet, or all of the above. There’s no one way to do it right.
The only thing your wedding needs to be is true to you. So if you want to get married in your favorite jumpsuit, or say your vows at a queer bar, or dance barefoot under the stars — do that.
Final thoughts from a queer photographer who’s seen it all
You deserve a wedding that doesn’t ask you to shrink yourself. One that celebrates you in all your fullness. One where you look around and think, “Yeah, this feels like home.”
And when it comes time to document it all, I’ll be there to support you, affirm you, and hype you up every step of the way. No stiff posing. No cookie-cutter moments. Just the real stuff— captured with care.
If you’re queer and planning your wedding and want someone who gets it, I’d love to connect.
Reach out here and let’s start planning something unforgettable together.
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